This whole dog thing started because of a story Verna used to tell over and over again. It was a very sad story I canâ€™t bear to repeat, but it had to do with leaving behind her much-loved dog when she moved to Cleveland from Pennsylvania decades ago. I used to drive Verna to church, and whenever she saw someone walking a dog, she would repeat that story, much to my dismay, and end by saying she loved dogs and wished she could have a dog in her apartment. Even when she became unsteady on her feet, Verna would insist sheâ€™d like to have a black lab, her favorite breed. A lab could have knocked Verna over just by breathing on her, but that was the kind of dog she hankered for.
If you donâ€™t much care for dogs, you should probably stop reading now. Sometimes when I start on this track, even talking to people who loved Verna, their eyes glaze over, and I realize theyâ€™re feeling the disengagement of non-dog-lovers when people like me start going on about dogs. Not everyone loves dogs, so feel free to just move along and read something else now. No hard feelings.
Verna died a couple of weeks ago at the age of 95, and her funeral was today. Iâ€™ve been thinking about what to say about her, if anything, and finally felt inspired by our dog connection. Because Verna loved dogs and couldnâ€™t have one, a few years ago I asked my friend Joanne to bring Portia, her lovely golden retrieverÂ in possession ofÂ an actual therapy dog certificate, to visit Verna with me. Portia is calm and sweet, and Verna really enjoyed meeting her and petting her. Then, by a convoluted set of circumstances, I acquired our little dog Roxie and tried her out with Verna. At first, Roxie was antsy, exploring Vernaâ€™s rooms, and Verna would insist that Roxie must have to pee. But she didnâ€™t. She just had to get acclimated. After awhile Roxie would calm down and sit on Vernaâ€™s lap, and Verna would pet her. Even though Roxie is about one-tenth the size of Vernaâ€™s preferred dog variety, they got along. Verna called Roxie cute and enjoyed getting her face licked. Roxie accommodated herself to Vernaâ€™s skinny lap and sat with her for as long as we wanted her to.
AboutÂ ten months ago, Vernaâ€™s health problems worsened. She ended up in a nursing home about five minutes from my house. I soon ascertained that the nice attendants welcomed visits from dogs, and I began taking Roxie along with me. Some of the other residents clearly didnâ€™t like dogs or were afraid even of a seven-pound Maltese, but others were excited to see Roxie come in. Verna always enjoyed it, and Roxie made things easier for me, frankly, because as Vernaâ€™s memory gradually failed, Roxie gave us something to talk about. Verna couldnâ€™t tell stories anymore or recall her recent visitors. Because Vernaâ€™s mind was entirely in the present, Roxie was the perfect visitor, because Roxie the dog lives in the present, too.
It moved me not only to see how much Verna enjoyed Roxie, but how earnestly Roxie attempted to do the right thing for all of us. It was hard to balance on Vernaâ€™s sloping legs in a wheelchair, and Roxie would keep her eyes on my face, checking to make sure she was supposed to stay there. Eventually, sheâ€™d settle in, lie down, and accept Vernaâ€™s affectionate petting. Sheâ€™d greet the other residents joyfully, even when they were loud and clumsy.
Like pretty much everything in life, these memories are a mixed blessing now that Vernaâ€™s gone. Iâ€™m glad she and Roxie got to know each other, Iâ€™m grateful the nursing home was welcoming, and Iâ€™m happy I visited as much as I did, although I could have done more. Now, though, when I look at Roxieâ€™s entreating face, I donâ€™t just see my funny, much-loved dog. I see her perched on Vernaâ€™s lap, and she reminds me of my loss.
You’re welcome, Pat. I’m missing Verna, too, and can only imagine how you’re feeling. Thanks for the comment here.
Thanks! It was so nice meeting you all.
Thanks for sharing. Love the story. (Verna’s Granddaughter-in-law
Kathy,thank you for that story.i can’t hardly see from crying.i will cherish that story always.what a wonderful friend you were to my mom.iwish I could have been around her more.lsure miss her.thank you again .love pat
Kathy, I pictured you, Verna and Roxie in the most wonderful way while reading your story. Thanks for bringing back memories of Verna.
Thank you, Mary!
Thank you for sharing, from a dog lover. Rest easy, Kathy. You do so much more for others than most. I wish I knew some elegant Latin phrase to sum you up! Dominus vobiscum! (??)
I’ll share one Verna story here, my current favorite. Her husband Fred was a jokester and a very funny guy, but Verna was funny as well. On their 59th anniversary, a friend told her, “Verna, this is quite an accomplishment. You must be very proud.” Verna answered, “He’s starting to get on my nerves.”
How nice for all of you, especially Vicky, who got such a good home.
Back at ya
Roxie really did make it much easier to visit Verna.
I wish you would have shared that at the funeral! I remember her talking about that dog she always missed. Fred was a bit relieved they couldn’t have a dog as I remember. Thanks for your special way with words that even the most hardened dog hater could ever resist. Roxie is also unresistable.
You’ve done it again, Kathy… found a way to say good-bye to Verna with a sweet story about Roxie (and dogs). I love your writing, but it’s especially meaningful when I know everyone involved (well, Verna and Roxie anyway). Thank you.
Thanks for sharing this story. I did not remember the story about her dog in PA. You were a wonderful friend/daughter to Verna. I appreciate you taking the time to be with her when others could not. You are a blessing in my life.
Love you sister,
This story is identical to mine with my relationship with my dog(now) and her original owner Peggy. Peggy was a friend from church and she had a stroke about 9 years ago and could not take care of her dog anymore so Chris and I took in Vicky, a Chihuahua mix. We visited Peggy almost every week for the next 8 years until Peggy died last August. The other residents loved seeing Vicky and it took me awhile to get to Peggy’s room. Vicky was always calm and did not bark when she visited Peggy, unlike at home, lol. And yep, I love dogs!!
Lovely story. Though I never met Verna, I an picture Roxie on her insubstantial lap. You paint a clear picture. So sorry for the loss of your friend.
This was lovely. I am a dog liker, not lover and this still resonated with me. Really enjoyed it.
Thank you, Mary!
Kathy, thank you for this beautiful story. I was very touched. I am going to pass it on to some friends.