I wrote this review for our area monthly paper, The Heights Observer, to spread the word about Deb’s book Lost Found Kept and to invite people to our talk together on Saturday. Comment below with your wisdom, insights, and difficulties regarding dealing with a family member’s mental illness. If you live in Northeast Ohio, hope to see you at Mac’s Backs.
In 2016, Deborah Derrickson Kossmann was living her own episode of “Hoarders,” emptying junk from her mother’s house in suburban New Jersey. It had been almost twenty years since anyone was allowed inside, and nothing, not even a PsyD. in psychology, had prepared Kossmann for what she found. She writes,
“(T)here hadn’t been trash put outside for the last fifteen years. All that garbage is here, not only her own excrement but containers filled with leftovers like a liquified turkey club sandwich. There are chicken bones, apple cores, empty milk cartons, and a half-eaten jar of peanut butter, all of it just thrown on top of piles. She’s made her life a literal dump. Why is she unable to part with her own trash?”
In the newly published Lost Found Kept: A Memoir (Trio House Press), Kossmann reveals her mom’s mental illness and her stepfather’s abuses. It shows Kossmann’s contending with her memories, her anger, and her grief over infertility. The memoir’s vivid writing conveys not only the shocking detritus in her mom’s home, but also the strength and humor she passed on to her daughters. Amidst the junk, it movingly portrays the profound love of her family. During the cleanup, Kossmann and her husband Marc hold each other, clean each other up, and sometimes dissolve into dark, hysterical laughter.
A mutual friend (and blog subscriber), Fran Lissemore, brought me and Deb together, because my 2016 memoir, Missing: Coming to Terms with a Borderline Mother (Red Giant Books), shares many of Deb’s themes: a mother’s mental illness, a challenging childhood, and our attempts as adults to, as much as possible, “part with (our) own trash.”
Deb and I will appear together at Mac’s Backs-Books on Coventry, 1820 Coventry Road in Cleveland Heights, on March 1 at 5:00 pm, to read from our books, answer questions, and talk about mothers and writing. Earlier that day, Deb will read and sign books at Fireside Book Shop at 29 North Franklin Street in Chagrin Falls at 1:00 pm. Come see us, and check out our websites: www.lostfoundkept.com and www.kathyewing.com.
Having had some hoarders as parishioners, I have witnessed from the outside what it means to their families. I am in awe of anyone who overcomes that