I diagnosed a woman with borderline personality on Dr. Phil last week.
First, letâ€™s dispense withÂ a mea culpa regarding Dr. Phil. During his first couple of seasons, I watched religiously, and, embarrassing as this admission is, I felt I was getting something important from watching him. After some time, though, I realized I needed to spend that crucial hour from 5:00 pm to 6:00 pm making dinner and eating with my family, and then, coincidentally and serendipitously, Dr. Phil turned more sensationalistic, at least to my perception, making it easier for me to swear him off. Also, my husband has always insisted his guests are actors, which kind of ruins the show. Now, I very rarely see Dr. Phil. So much for the confession.
Last week, I switched on the TV around 5:15, and there was Jinda talking to Dr. Phil. Jinda had become obsessed with her friend Traci, who had broken off their friendship. Jinda had been texting such things as, â€œI deserve youâ€ and â€œI will love you the right wayâ€ and â€œI need you, baby.â€ Jinda described herself, merely, as â€œclingyâ€ and â€œneedy.â€
My ears perked up, I recognized the symptoms, and I waited to see if Dr. Phil would identify the problem. He never used the word â€œborderline,â€ but he did tell Jinda about personality disorders and read off symptoms to her that sound like the histrionic and borderline varieties. The major issues were boundaries and drama–no awareness of the former and an abundance of the latter.Â On the order ofÂ 50 text messages a day.
A couple of things interest me. One is that Dr. Phil doesnâ€™t refer to personality disorders very often, even though many guests, in my memory, displayedÂ the symptoms. About 2% of the population suffers from BPD, making up about 10% of clients in outpatient settings, so youâ€™d think heâ€™d mention it more often.
Second is the lack of kindness in online comments. By the end of the show, Dr. Phil was very understanding with Jinda, telling her that her problems werenâ€™t her fault. In contrast, many commenters on the Dr. Phil website were vitriolic. Itâ€™s as though, in 2013, people still donâ€™t get what mental illness is.
I donâ€™t minimize, of course, Traciâ€™s problem with being stalked and harassed. Iâ€™m just saying that people do these things because they canâ€™t help it. They need diagnoses, treatment,Â and sometimes evenÂ restraining orders, but not name-calling and contempt.
Ah. A friend tells a story about making her mother a suit, and her mother not wearing it because she didn’t like the buttonholes.
I did. When Sandy was a little girl, she took all her coins down to the local store and bought some 4711 Eau De Cologne. Her mother made her take it back because she did not like it.
So we have this in common! Did you read my excerpt about the unwrapped gift? Your story reminds me of that.
This is to do with my wife so I checked it out with her first. In Missing, you talk about the dog that was killed and the non-response of your mother. My wife’s first wages as a nurse went into a present for her parents, a combined record player and radio in a long cabinet made of polished wood – I know there is a simple name for it but I have forgotten what it is. She paid to have it delivered but there was no response. Eventually she had to ring up to see if it had arrived. She has waited her whole life for a response that she knows will never come.
Her mother is an NPD – Narcissistic Personality Disorder. One article says there is no known cure but that does not matter because a narcissist would never seek treatment – funny! It reads like a joke.